I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
