Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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