Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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