There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
