Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
