I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
soo... how was my night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
