Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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