I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
