I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize