we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
