I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize