I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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