I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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