my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize