Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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