I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
