Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
