I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
