dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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