So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There r osticjed everywhere
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
