Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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