i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
