I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
