is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
