If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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