Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
