I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
