Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
