If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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