we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
