I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
