Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
