it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
