If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what day is it and did you see me today?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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