i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
