Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
