I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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