you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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