I want to have your abortion
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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