You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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