Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
