I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
