One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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