Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
