Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
