PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
