the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
