well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
