Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
