i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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