I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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