By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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