This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
stop calling my apartment porn island.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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