please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
