Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
