My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
