Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
