Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
