the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
