Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
