If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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