I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
