Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
