I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dear god my vagina.
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