so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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