i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
