Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
