Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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