omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
