I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
