I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
