woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Too much gin, very little bucket
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
