Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
