She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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