I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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