i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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