"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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