If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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